Wednesday, 15 April 2015

Philosophy Rugby Team

Last year, for the football world cup I published the article 'Theology Football Squad', a bit of fun combining my love of theology, faith seeking understanding, and an exciting world cup. With it being the rugby world cup this year, it is the turn of philosophy to receive some sporty treatment. So in much the same fashion as before, lets see who has made this year's philosophy rugby team.


Loosehead Prop - David Hume

There is no cause for this player to be in the team. Indeed, it would be unreasonable to conclude from past performances his future ones will be equally impressive. Yet, as his reason is clearly enslaved to his passion, the coach has selected Hume to be a fork in the other team’s side.

Hooker - Thomas Hobbes (Captain)

Nasty, brutish and short, he is perfect for the front row. A leviathan in the scrum, he can secure valuable penalties for the team. As a captain he leads as a benevolent dictator, which may come back to hurt him.

Tighthead Prop - Friedrich Nietzsche

Something of a superman, no player can contend with will of Nietzsche! Rejecting weakness, his bench press record has reached new highs. However, his moral compass seems to be awry, being cited for eye gouging.

Second Row - Thomas Aquinas

Built like an ox, this fellow is an intimidating heavyweight of classic rugby. Having developed five ways of playing second row, he is able to adapt his game accordingly. Never committing a penalty, Aquinas naturally follows the law, whilst transubstantiating ordinary teams into winning ones.

Second Row - John Locke

The perfect name for the perfect second row, Locke’s primary qualities make him a dominant force. His secondary properties, however, are a matter of dispute. Like a blank slate, he has bought into the team philosophy, albeit with conditions for a revolution.

Blindside Flanker - William James

With the will to believe, this player can always be counted upon in the most dire circumstances. He belongs to a sporting family, with his brother Henry competing in the American Football ‘Golden Bowl’ every year. A live option, James has a variety of experiences which he can bring in a pragmatic fashion to this side.

Openside Flanker - Ludwig Wittgenstein

Understanding the game, his name is part of the language of rugby. Having a familial resemblance to Richie McCaw, he has lived up to the hype. He has now progressed from his atomistic and factual approach to a more holistic attitude, but still thinks most tactical problems can be resolved linguistically.

No. 8 - Gottfried Leibniz

Quite the individual, Leibniz keeps himself to himself in monadic fashion. Many have argued it is indiscernible why he has been selected, although the coach has argued the fact he has only positive qualities entails he must play.


Scrum-Half - Aristotle

This scrum-half’s form truly doesn’t matter, as his virtues make him the first name on the team sheet. Having provided the fundamental categories of rugby itself, his efficient and purposeful approach means his performance is always one of great drama.

Fly-Half - Plato

This player’s Form is fantastic! Under the tutelage of Socrates, he has ascended from a realm of shadows to being a player of beauty, justice and the goodness. His rivalry with Aristotle may cause problems.

Inside Centre - Immanuel Kant

Categorically the most tedious player in this team, Kant’s play is very difficult to understand. However, every once in a while one will have a gestalt moment, and recognises the noumenal fact that it is imperative Kant plays. He whole heartedly performs his duty to the team, never treating them as merely a means to an end.

Outside Centre - John Rawls

A player who always finds an original position to start an attack, Rawls is an exciting player. Most critics of him are clearly not behind a veil of ignorance, as his minimum performance is always at its best. A long standing rivalry with Nozick has honed his skills for a more distributive style.

Winger - Rene Descartes

A player who personifies rugby as a thinking man’s game. A classic French winger, his constant focus on his self makes him disregard cooperative play, often treating his teammates as if they were figments of a dream. Despite that, if he gets into space he becomes like an evil demon, terrorising defences with his speed, agility and guile.

Winger - Bertand Russell

Having played for just about every team, Russell has embraced just about every tactic under the sun! He has received universal recognition and definitively described by his positive playing style. It cannot be more than a brute fact that he alone is picked every week by the coach.

Fullback - George Berkeley

Perceiving danger before it arises, he is the ideal fullback. He has a lot of attacking ideas, but struggles to connect them to reality. Has often gone missing in games when no one specifically watches him.

Coach - Socrates

He may not be the best player, but what makes Socrates the best rugby coach is that, unlike everyone else on this list, he managed to convince opponents of his position! With his friendly manner, dialectical approach and inspiring vision, he is the right man to unite a team of egotistical, dogmatic and uptight divas. 

Do you agree with the selections? Have your say in the comments below.

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